![]() ![]() It's just that I've been thinking of "The Beygency"-the brilliant Saturday Night Live skit that demonstrates Beyoncé's cultural preeminence is actually a matter of collective surrender-ever since I saw the press conference unveiling Jay Z's recently acquired streaming music service, Tidal. It doesn't matter that I'm just one listener outside of her generational demographic. Who cares how many times I listen to "Check on It"? It does. It has gamed the system so that the system puts #1s at number one in my own personal countdown. The Beygency is real, man, and it has rejiggered the supposedly inviolate iTunes algorithm. I have no memory of "Check on It" what's more, I have no memory of ever playing "Check on It." I don't even like "Check on It," and yet a forensic excavation of my laptop would suggest that I'm obsessed with it. But iTunes recorded me playing "Check on It" for the last time on Julyġ3, 2007-and 386 times in the year and a half before that. Sure, I like "Independent Women" well enough, and my daughter, when she was young, liked it even more. I've played them five times more than their closest competitor, Del Shannon's "Runaway." They are-they must be, by many multiples-my favorite songs.Įxcept that they're not. But I've played "Independent Women" and "Check on It" eight times more than Genesis's "Carpet Crawlers," the first song I bought on iTunes, back in 2003, and ten times more than "Cold Cold Ground," by Tom Waits, the second. I have about 25,000 songs on my computer and play them mostly on shuffle, which means that the songs I've played the most are the songs that have been on my computer the longest. Since then, according to iTunes, I have played "Independent Women" 399 times and "Check on It" 387. ![]() ![]() The first was a Destiny's Child song, "Independent Women Part 1," and the second was "Check on It," credited solely to Beyoncé, with a guest appearance by Slim Thug. But all it takes is one Joaquin Phoenix-and one week of chaos-to believe that this could ever be a good idea.On the 21st day of 2006, I bought two songs from the album #1s, by Destiny's Child, on iTunes. Why, Stefani? I guess there can be 100 clowns in a room and 99 of them are telling you not to make this movie. She, unfortunately, confirmed this week that she will be joining the extremely cursed sequel to Joker, an offense to gays everywhere. Then there’s Lady Gaga, who never disappoints. Rihanna is living her best life ignoring the hell out of all of us, and bless her for that. Demi Lovato is updating her pronouns to include she/her after a year. With this Holy Trinity of pop divas serving as agents of chaos this week, I quickly scanned to see what the others were up to. Her team’s response-that Swift’s jet is often lent to other people and all of the attributed trips were not for her-is fair, as is the argument that she’s extremely not alone when it comes to A-listers overusing PJs. Here I am drinking through paper straws like a goddamn idiot while celebrities are treating the hole in the ozone like it’s Hollywood’s hottest club. You have to find the humor in it to stave off the rage. That brouhaha also led to esteemed songwriter Diane Warren questioning why there were so many writer credits on her songs in the first place-a thought that, once the Beyhive arrived, I am certain Warren regretted ever having.Īnd by the time that photo of Swift deplaning a jet with an oversized umbrella over her came out-if I can’t see them, they can’t see me!-I was giddy with laughter. She was accused by the artist Kelis of “theft” after one of the tracks borrowed an interpolation of her song but didn’t credit or compensate her. The most shocking part of the Beyoncé mini-scandals is that there were Beyoncé mini-scandals at all.įollowing the release of Renaissance, her latest album and the single reason there’s serotonin detected anywhere in my system, there was backlash because of an ableist slur that was used in one of her songs, which she then changed. I actually think that the reason why these news stories hit so big this week is because we’ve veered so far in the direction of controlled perfection. But as a -year-old who can remember when being a music superstar meant being an absolutely ridiculous person who was constantly making mistakes, I miss when this circus of controversy was normal. Not a pepperoni allowed to be airborne.”Īs fans of both, it’s not pleasant for me to bear witness to their respective uproars this week. Not a step out of place allowed to be made. Not an errant word allowed to be uttered. “Our music celebrities are usually under such tight control. ![]()
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